I have been practicing yoga since December 2015 so it hasn’t even been a year! I took to it really quickly, and up until recently I enjoyed my regular practice often attending three classes a week and practicing at home. In June of 2016 I was enjoying learning about the spiritual, physical and historical aspects of yoga so much that I began a Hatha yoga teacher training course! I am still on that course and I am due to complete the theory side of it in April 2017, with the practical side being completed by the end of June 2017 if all goes to plan.
But it’s not all going to plan.
I feel like I’ve lost my yoga mojo and I can’t quite grasp what it is.
Maybe it’s the physical fatigue from a tough summer of ultra racing, maybe it’s the mental fatigue of planning a house move and moving into a new job? Whatever it is, I just don’t feel motivated to go into a class and when I do, I don’t feel as confident as I used to – it’s like a kind of anxiety and sometimes fear overcomes me and I either cannot relax sufficiently to smile and enjoy the flow of the class and energy or I stiffen up and even the simplest of asanas becomes painful or unduly uncomfortable.
I will be continuing to take some time away from organised yoga classes, and perhaps even from my home practice which has lapsed quite significantly over the past few months anyway. I doubt that I will get back into a two to three class per week routine as had been my habit prior to July, for quite some time. It seems that since early September I have been forcing myself to attend some classes and that adds to the anxiety, the fear and the pressure – yoga should be a peaceful practice that the mind and body lends itself to. Never, in my opinion, should it be just another workout or form of ‘exercise’ that needs to be done for a person to feel accomplished.
I think I will likely wait to see what is on offer when I move to a new area at the end of January. Maybe it is time for a change of teachers to reenergise the way I see, feel and experience yoga.
Having reflected on my recent experiences of yoga, unfortunately I currently feel a bit jaded by it all. It does seem overly commercial with each teacher pushing their ‘brand’ or ‘style’ and oftentimes it seems they don’t even realise it. It pains me to see various yogis on social media pushing quasi-spirituality in a bid to fill their classes whilst at the same time it pains me to see yet other yogis promoting their classes more like a pilates fitness workout, again in a bid to fill their classes and attract ‘customers’.
The connections I have built with my yoga teachers, when tested, do seem to be tenuous and fragile too – if I miss a few classes there is one teacher who immediately seems to forget my name but who seems to insist that we have a friendship beyond guided yoga classes. Another teacher does seem to be genuinely interested in everybody who attends their class but (maybe I’m being cynical) I can’t see how this is at all possible without becoming mentally, and at times emotionally, draining for that particular teacher, thus impacting on their own practice and indeed the quality of their life. In fact, of the three teachers I see regularly there is only really one who cuts through all of the commercialism and the desire to seem open, accessible and ‘genuine’ to those who they teach.
They show up to class and they are approachable, knowledgeable and happy to guide the class but they don’t seem to be pushing any spiritual, friendship or any other agenda beyond a decent 60 to 90 minutes session of yoga before it’s time for everybody to return to their daily business – at first I found that strange but now I find it refreshing and the classes they run seem to be the only classes that I consistently enjoy anymore! At the moment these are the only classes where my mind and my body relax.
Unfortunately, this particular teacher isn’t around at the moment. Hopefully they will return before I move to another area in January as I would like to think I could at least attend one of their classes on a regular basis until that time!
I will continue to explore my feelings and thoughts around yoga theory and practice, and I am sure that in the near future I will return to actually practicing yoga on a regular basis. I truly hope that the near future I speak about is nearer in reality than it currently feels when I take my hour a day to reflect on it!
Namaste, Peace & Blessings.